The market square
Two youths having
casual conversation in the town square next to Hypatia’s Platonic Pizza Joint
Bastion – alrite
Telemachus – alrite
B – yep
T – nice
B – yea...nice
T – yep...
B - yea...
pause
T – how’s your mother
B – Shes got the sweat again
T – Phhh hate that man
B – Yea she’s really, well...sweaty...
T – Phhh...(pause) how’s your sister?
B – Aint got a sister
T – Nice! I’m guna get in there! Hahahaha
B – I said I don’t
have a sister
T – Right...nice... your dad?
B – He’s dead
T – (faintly) Ohhh yea...I remember...hanging?
B – Um, yesss...or maybe drowning...no I think it was a
hanging.
Pause....
T - phhhhhh
B - you err heard that new Bach track?
T – Well tempered
Clavier?
B – yea
T – yea man, love it
B - yea?
T – yea, big tune man, top production, he tempered the hell
out of that clavier
B – yea, some hardcore clavier on there
T – king of the clavier they call him
B – yea, the ‘clavier cat’
Short pause
T- yea
pause
B – some amazing solos on there actually
T – Don’t need to tell me brother! My spirit yearns for
those solos. Aint heard arpeggiated cords like that in a long time
B – Yea, and that fugal exposition...wow
T – The Lord hath delivered on that one, no doubt.
B - And the delicate deployment of the B-flat
T – Oh yea, praise be to the delicacy of that B-flat
B - definitely...it’s so...delicate
Pause
B - you heard the remix?
T – yea think so...
B – Gustavus von Schtikulberg. Belter.
T - On the Baroque Bangers EP?
B – Yes, I think so. Or it might be on Organ Madness
vol.1...
T – Ah yeaaaa, yea yea yea..err yea.. Think I heard in ‘The Pox’ the other night after I dropped
a couple of Garlic gloves in the toilets. Went down a storm
B – Yea, Schitkulberg’s an absolute heretic
T – He nails the major keys
B – Nails it
T – Christ almighty, I mean the way he manipulates that coda,
it’s like a plague of curséd locusts dancing in my ears
B – Yea mate, manipulates that coda like no one else
T – yea yea
B – yea
Pause
T – Heard about the Anabaptist Crew?
B – Err is the Lord substantially present in the Host?
Course I have! Structural and scriptural renegades.
T – They’re so original. I love how Preach Master Godfrey
plays the Crumhorn. He just turns everything we thought we knew about the
Crumhorn...
B – (aside) errr pretty much everything
T - ...and turns it on it’s head. And then curses it to
damnation and a fiery death in the pits of a very real hell.
B – Yea...I like the lyrics too.
T – Oh yea, of course the lyrics. The lyrics are just so
potent and yet pretty subtle
B – Yea, they tread that fine line between being doctrinally
innovative and accursedly heretical.
T – I love the one that goes:
“The scriptures have divine authority, inspired by the Lord’s own majesty. But don’t
forget when you pray on that hill, that we’re predestined to groove and have no
free will”
T – Yes! Ah, Godbless their asses!
B - And their cattle.
T – They are such a doctrinally subversive bunch
B – I know, subverting doctrine all over the place.
Questioning the restrictive theological framework we are so oblivious to
T – Yea, I mean when you think about it, doctrine and that
is just the system at work really isn’t it?
B – Yea...
T – It’s the system trying...trying to fucking use doctrine
to...
B – indoctrinate you
T – Yea! To control us. “Bless my soul?”, Bless your own
sodding soul you paedo!
B – Hmmm. Maybe it’s not that simple...
T – Well of course it’s the big corporations too! Trying to
get in our heads, make us buy more silkened hoods and linen hose that we don’t
even want!
B – Right...
T - Fuckers. I’ve got a mind to join the fucking Papists
man.
B – haha, yea...yea...you’re joking right?
T – Na man, fuck these stuck up Lutherans man. I’ll do what
I want
B – The Papists though? Rumour has it that they encourage
the use of scented candles in Mass
T – yea fine, I don’t agree with the more extreme stuff but the Lutherans are so square man. I
mean Salvation by faith alone? What are you on about? See if you can find
salvation with my knob in your face, you tossers.
B – hmmm...
T – Priesthood of all Believers, gimi a break. Priesthood of
bummers and cock heads more like
B – right...
Father Gertrude walks
by.
Father Gertrude – Good afternoon boys
T – Afternoon Father Gertrude. May peace reign down upon you
with grace and tranquillity. (sings short Psalm). Bless you Father. (aside) Wanker.
Pause, waiting for
Father Gertrude to walk by
B - Allot of good stuff coming out of Leipzig at the moment
though, don’t you think?
T – Oh Yea, new record label started up there actually; “Earthenware
Bass”
B – Part of the “Doublet and Hoe’s” imprint. Leipzig is
pretty much the new Augsburg really
T – Yea man, progressive stuff
B – Yea
T – I mean, sod that Middle Renaissance rubbish
B – Yea
T - It’s all like...’get over it, we get it, you can produce
some complex points of imitation and some passages of homophony counterpointed
by a deviating minor scale...get over yourself’
B – Definitely, get over it
T – Anyone can make a homophony and then drop some deviation
on it
B – That is true...
T - It’s just restrictive prima practica descending madrigal
crap!
B – Yea definitely...did you get all this of Wikipedia?
T – what...
Pause
T - You goin’ Saxony Fest this year?
B – Ah would like to but it’s 5 guldens, can’t afford that
and it takes about 6 days by horse
T – It’s not cheap. I could lend you some fowl if you’re
short though.
B – Ah thanks, but I already owe you half an oxen
T – Holy Moses you do as well! You cheekey Ottoman!
B – Haha
T - Sebastien and the
Locusts on the main stage though
B – Ah, they have one seriously competent lute player in that band
T – They do indeed. His solo on ‘The Lord is my Shepherd and my Brother’ just blew my mind.
B – yea and he’s not bad on ‘Holy Holy Holy Rock!’ either
T – I know. You’re guna miss out man. Frankfurter and
Hasselhoff are both coming. And Hamburger might bring some sugared prunes.
B – Oh not again! You should really watch it, I think he’s got
a problem.
T – Na. I’ve seen him take 6 spiced pheasant’s before and he
was fine
B – Wasn’t that when he did a shit in the belfry?
T – Yea, but we’ve all been there...late at night, a
wretched stomach cursed by a merciless fallen angel to the plundering depths of
Armageddon, squatting out of a belfry. Just blamed it on the Calvinists anyway.
He’s only guna take a couple of kilos of sugared prunes, it’ll be ok.
B – They do search you there though
T – They’ve never caught the H–Burger.
Pause
B – Thinking about it, we could always borrow my Dad’s news
wagon
T – Ah yes!
B – He’s got some nice wheels, got some new hinges and some
seriously slick oak sideboards.
T – Yea and iron coated rims
B – With a copper finish! Oh my Jesusing bloody Christ that
copper finishing! And that divine navigational system, “powered by faith and
faith alone”. brilliant
T – yes. Man I bet that thing can go from nought to holy in
no time
B – yea, couple of minutes no probs.
T – Blimey! The Lord is my Saviour!
B – Yep, it is a real maiden magnet too
T – of course it is! Bring on the maidens and their mystical
ways
B – Yea, it’s one blesséd wagon.
Pause
T – If not though, we could always hitchhike?
B – Ah duno, the Empire’s pretty hairy at the moment
T – true
B - Some mates of my mates from Duisburg tried to hitchhike
to Bohemia for this ‘lads on tour’ thing
T – yea
B - 5 of ‘em got conscripted into the Von Mansfeld’s militia
and two got abducted by that religious sect out near that Upper Palatinate
B –The Brotherhood of
Profane Pederasts?
T – Yep.
B – well
we’ll figure something out. Got to go man, got a scripture tutorial with Father
Hansgruber
T – Pain in
the arse.
B – good one
T – May the
Lord be with you.
B – And you.
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